This is where I say I've had enough

Wed, 19 Nov 2003 03:55:50 GMT

Father Figure

The dead sing and I breathe you in.
(they welcome the unwanted to the firie pits)
The screaming and squinging of the hurt
(we’re here cuz of you)
They rejoice to your absense.
The dead sing and bled for you.
(your screaming is still recorded in our minds)
(we choose not to forgive)
I bleed because I’m fake,
I need to feel free,
Its my escape to the passed,
When you were actually here.
I bleed because I’m fake,
Because its my bliss in my home.
So scared to come back,
Don’t know if your there,
I’m scared,
You don’t want to listen,
(the dead sing at your unfortunacity)
(we sing and slow dance to the beat of you heart, as it slows down)
(the dead welcome you in to the firie pits)

Nov. 18, 2003

yay i love bryant

Wed, 12 Nov 2003 02:40:17 GMT

hUnnybLu04 [9:26 PM]: that's why i get so angry when you do things to yourself
hUnnybLu04 [9:26 PM]: one less fun person in this world would suck

I want to bleed

Tue, 11 Nov 2003 22:36:09 GMT

all day i've been thinking what i did last night n how good it felt,
n i dont' even have a reason for what i did just the fact that it felt so good n that once again i have control of it i have the blades, i can just take a part an ordinary thing like a sharperner and i kan take the blade out n thats it.
i have control.
i want to bleed.
right now it doesnt feel wrong
right now it feels great
right now i feel no pain.

Mon, 10 Nov 2003 18:01:35 GMT

were all fake

xtremely interesting week for confusing emotions

Fri, 07 Nov 2003 03:41:28 GMT

lets start off with tuesday,
me and alex r just talking in biology n out of no where he asked me if i still liked him so i'm like oh w/e.. i dunno..
a couple hours later he asked me to give him head so i was like ok yea fine i'll do it (considering the fact that he does have a g/f) so later on i'm talking to j, bryant and jackie online n i just asked for their opinions on whether or not they would do something with a person even though they were going out with someone else, so i was gonna go along with it, wednesday comes along n i'm in 6th period in i'm like omg i'm going to do this or what, so i see alex online n i was like dude i need to talk to you, and he's like yea i need to talk to you about after skewl, n i was like dude i can't do it because its just wrong, i'm not going out with you, plus you have a g/f n like i wouldn't want that being done to me, so everything was settled, n we told eachotehr we weren't gonna be mad at eachother but now at skewl its like we don't even talk, i mean we rarely did but now its like its weird, w/e..
now with wednesday,
i did my skitzophrenia speech..
i did good i guess..
i failed my history test..
x
i talked to gio n stuff i guess things are back to normal,
its better than the whole i hate you, i'm blocking you bs,
so w/e..
today..
i todl jackie that i had talked to gio n about what he had told me, he told me that he liked this girl aidilyn, and other stuff and you know what the hell am i supposed to do, i felt bad i had to tell her, so i go to skewl this morning, n i was like dude i need to talk to you about gio,
n i was liek no dude i'm not going back out with him, and before i could sya anything else, she leaves to the bathroom and starts krying on the stall floor, so i run after her and i begin to talk to her, or at least i tried to because i really suck at talking to people after they break up, i can't even handle myself when i'm going through a break up, so after that she feels fine, n we go back go klass n thats about it
xx
we skipped 3rd today, me, sam, jackie, jenni, cuz there was this university thing going on, n i was like oh w/e i don't fele like going to klass so let me go, so w/e after thats finished we went to the high school office n chilled with the secretary she's so kewl, she showed us her tats n junk, so she just let us skip the rest of the period,
5th period is still extremely boring,
i miss becca,
x
7th period,
i just chilled with jenni,
we didn't do anything,
cuz we had a sub..
xx
my daddy picked me up from skewl,
i havent really talked to him about the way i feel,
i'm just happy that i'm getting to see him more.
xx
he took me to youth group today,
i saw rebecca,
and mindy and alex,
n others..
i met luis,
david and raul played some of their bands songs,
they made me cry,
i saw swanny,
carlos' ex,
i was like oh great he told he effed her,
so now i feel like crap because me and him did stuff,
so that just made me feel awesome.
xx
so w/e
i guess talking to rebecca about it now,
made me feel alot better.
thanx reshonda!
NSK fo-sho!!

xx

point your gun is effing amazing!
point your gun makes me cry!
point your gun.. show ... dec 6, kaffe krystal!

X eve X

Fri, 31 Oct 2003 01:46:10 GMT

i'm so fake

Tue, 14 Oct 2003 03:47:13 GMT

its fucking fine.. that jeremy wants to deny it all.. when he's gonna talk to me... i'm just going to fucking ignore him... if he doesn't remember the night he asked me out then he probably won't remember saying sorry for fucking ignoring me all week long.. its fucking fine.. i know he's lieing.. its fine.. w/e...

I serve, no use for you

jackie vs. eve freestyle.

Wed, 01 Oct 2003 15:15:20 GMT

jackie to eve..

i see no changes
u say your against hate
but all i see u doin is discriminate
why you gotta talk shit,
all you do is trip
you got an X on your hand
but you don't even understand
you say that you stand up, you don't give up
but all i see you doin is smokin..what
you say u gotta man, that your in love
but whats love if all you do is fuck.
no drugs, sex, drinks plz
nigguh you smoke weed more than you pee
you bitch and complain all the time
you make everyone wanna go outta their mind.
you swear your the hot shit,
but your just a little bitch.

eve to jackie...

yo muh name is e. fiddy
i came from the mcdiddy
where i batteled wit whitey.
she was all up on my face like white mayonise
(that came from a man down unduh)

-pause-

she swore she got skills but all her lyrics kill
she thinks she's fine, but you should see her after she drinks wine.

she thinks she's got game but all she has is a bloody viga,
she's ill 4rm all that ass nuckin'
whitey plz don't mess wit me
cuz i'll chew you out like you wouldn't beleive.

lmao.. i love you jackie

jackie- i love you homie

Sun, 28 Sep 2003 20:38:50 GMT

i cut myself.. but i regret it, i don't want to start the same krap i was doing last yr, but i needed to feel some pain, i'm so confused, i dunno if i'm sad cuz of nissen or not, i dunno if i love him, i'm so pissed off because mike told that he got high 2 nights ago, he told me that he had changed.. i dunno what to feel, i dunno what to tell him, nevermind that i can't even talk to him, he doesn't want to talk to me, he's still mad at me because i dumped him..
xx
i'm so blah.. i have no one to cry to,
mindy is gone,
i'm skared to talk to her,
xx
other people will just not understand,
i'm all alone,
and i need help,
its so hard,
b/c i just kan't find help.
xx
i kan't help myself.
i don't want to be depressed.
xx
i just want to be happy.

Looking Out For Number One

Sun, 21 Sep 2003 21:09:53 GMT

I don't care about what you believe anymore,
There is no reason for the way you feel,
There is no reason for the way I cry,
(even the demons laugh at me)
I'm looking out for me,
There is no reason for the way you leave,
(leave me all alone, and make me believe you really do care)
I'm looking out for me,
There is no reason for the way I cry,
There is no reason for the way I bleed,
(even the demons dance and rejoice around me)
I'm looking out for me.

Saints In Masquerades (To Jackie) 08.27.03

Sun, 21 Sep 2003 20:54:51 GMT

I see the grudhe in your eyes,
althought I keep it all inside.
its your fate,
its your heart-break,
its your loneliness,
its your hate,
its your date,
its your coldness
I see the grudge in your eyes.
I see the hate in your eyes.
(although we kept it all inside)

I'd see the fight in your words
If you weren't so fake.

In My Burning Home (poem i had to write for skewl)

Sun, 21 Sep 2003 20:49:03 GMT

here we lye in this artificial burial ground.
(we aren't dead)
we hear the skreams of from the guard's mouths. "fire, fire!"
Its obviously to late.
everything is gone.
(we aren't dead)
now its become a pile of ashes
(faded memories)
it has now become nothing.
(we aren't dead)
we are alone
(box of faded memories)
(burned to bits - its all gone)
(we aren't dead)
pass out from the aftermath
(choking on dust)
wake up in a hospital room.
(wake up to nothing - faded memories)
(we aren't dead)

.Untitled Perfection.

Tue, 16 Sep 2003 13:47:06 GMT

You bleed for your own perfection.
Don’t bleed for me, you are the perfection.
Don’t drive those blades through your veins.
Cause I swear its killing me inside.
You are me, you are my life, my death, my perfection.
Don’t bleed for me.
Let me be your savior.
(I’ll try to make it better)
Don’t bleed for me.
Let me bleed for you.
Don’t run those blades through your veins
(cut through mine)
(let me feel your pain, I can try to take it away)
Let me bleed for you.
You are my perfection.
(drive them deep into my wrists -
let the blood drip -
fill the void with your devastation)
You are my perfection.
Let me bleed for you.

Sun, 14 Sep 2003 03:10:34 GMT

new journal
this journal is only for poetry n possibly private stuff that i only want some people to read..

peace out lil gangsters (hehe)

XxKaroi KashixX